Two Unrelated, Undesirable Things.

I wince whenever I hear this word. I would say, "whenever I say this word," but I go to absurd lengths to avoid using it. Just say it. Prock. Turr. Prooooock turr. Prock-ock-ock. Nasty. Hear the sounds you are producing. That word needs to shut up.

There's nothing inherently evil or bad in its meaning. It's a contraction of procurator , so I gather . I suppose cases in which that is a bad thing can be imagined . My beef is strictly phonetic. I've listed the reasons in convenient list form:

  1. It begins with a plosive. Unvoiced, even. It's so in-your-face and impersonal. Someone is spitting in your face just to inaugurate a word you didn't vote for.
  2. It's got one of those back-of-the-throat (depending on your pronunciation), open vowels. One cannot help but tarry on this insipid sound, lengthening it, and not because one wants to. It's like a canker sore. Any attempt to fix or mitigate the issue will exacerbate it.
    3. -and also-
  3. "Proctor." Aaaaaargghghghghg.

All I can think about when I hear this word spoken is a sallow mass of tapioca, quavering in the brownian motion of the stale air in a room lacking breeze, or draft.

Imagine the strange looks I get, when I hear someone say "To take that test, I'll have to hire a wad of sallow tapioca, quavering in the brownian – hey, where are you going?" Because at this point, I have the heaves and am darting for the restroom/trashcan/mailbox/glove compartment nearest to me.

stub | 05.08.08 | Permalink